i cant freakin BELIEVE mom. what the hell! how could she make us stay here longer?! just because the HEATER is broken?! uh, hello, we've lived without heat before, and i dont remember her making me live in los banos without my car, my friends, my dog, etc. pretty much wasting my life away.ARGGHHH! i honestly feel like bawling my eyes out. dont get me wrong, i love dad and grandma and grandpa, but i HATE IT here in los banos. i couldnt think of a more boring place.

i have a class thats supposed to be starting on wednesday nights. its supposed to start tomorrow night. its an assertiveness/low self esteem class, and i have been excited about it since dr. moira told me about it and signed me up for it. but thanks to my MOTHER, i cant go to the first one, and if you miss the first class, then you cant go to the other ones. you have to wait a whole 'nother MONTH until the next one starts. what the heck does she expect me to DO for another two days? gahhhh!

well, 2008, you're getting off to a great start. fuckin a.

i dont care if im being selfish and unreasonable, she cant do this to me!

Current Mood: aggravated

i dont like my moms boyfriend. hes rude to me, and he bugs the crap out of me. hes always at my house. its pretty much like he lives here. i can never escape him. i dont know what to do. my only options are to be out of my house all the time, or pretend to get along with him for my moms sake. ahhhh i dont know what to do

a good in-between job to have while I'm searching for a new, hopefully long term job? I need to pay the bills..

Current Mood: awake

I really, REALLY need a job.

So if anyone knows of anything..PLEASE let me know. I am so desperate. Ugghhhhh.

Current Mood: aggravated

so last night's dream was awesome. in my dream i was back in high school! i guess it was like one of the last days of school, because me and a few other girls were signing a card for mr. dunn (teacher i had a crush on..and still kinda do haha), and in the card i wrote "i'm in love with you mr. dunn! you are so hot!" hahahah. then after i signed it, the bell rang, and i was out in the hallway, and all of a sudden mr. leach (he's like mr. dunn's best friend, haha) came up to me and was like "i saw what you wrote in mr. dunn's card, you are so weird." and then i was like "psh, whatever, fatty!" and walked away. after that, i went into the cafeteria and then had CHINESE FOOD! like pot stickers and orange chicken and all that good stuff. after i ate with my posse, me and justin (yes justin, you went to my school in my dream) were like "ok lets go walk around aimlessly", which is what me and kristy used to do a lot at lunch. so while we were walking i was like "OMG! lets go to mr. zehnder's room!" which is what me, sam, and christine used to do at lunch like all the time. so we were walking there, and all of a sudden i see TJ Hoth wearing a blonde wig! he looked like a girl! ahahah. we tried finding mr. zehnder's room, but we couldnt, because all of a sudden the buildings changed and everything looked different. all of a sudden this girl that i HATE came up to me and was like "HA-HA! you cant find it!" and justin was like "hey! shut up!" and yeah, thats all i really remember. damn good dream.

Current Mood: creative

so i kinda have a dilemma. i have this friend, we'll call him arthur, and i'm debating on whether or not i should invite him to my party or not. arthur doesn't really get along with any of my friends. either that or he doesnt know them. should i just not invite him and explain to him why and then just do something with him just the two of us? or just not invite him and not tell him about the party and hope that he doesnt find out, and then do something with him just the two of us?

Current Mood: blank

i only get these thoughts once in awhile. i dont get this depressed very often [anymore]. somehow i always make it through the bad times. usually i tell myself that things will be better in the morning, your dreams are your escape. having suicidal thoughts is mere childs play than actually committing the crime. i dont care what anyone says. i do believe that its a sin to kill yourself but it doesnt stop me from wondering. yadididig? what would life be like if laura wasnt here? trust me i dont want sympathy i'm just wondering. and while we're on the always happy subject of death, why do people make such a freakin deal when celebrities die. i mean people die every day, do they not matter? hey they have feelings and emotions just like celebrities. some of them are probably better people than those celebrities. i mean wheres the recognition. i realize i'm ranting but it just bugs me. idk. dude i know i say this a lot, but i really do hate elk grove. i mean, i'm always alone. i'm not really close to anybody here so i figure that it wouldnt be a big deal if i left. i mean i dont have any family here, nothing to keep me here. it drives me wild at night, sometimes i wonder what would've happened if i had never moved here. would things be different? i guarantee they would. i dont know what i'm even talking about anymore but kudos to you if you read all of that. lol if anybody reads this anymore..i dont think any elk grove people read this even though i have a link to this journal on my myspace. fuckin a

Current Mood: depressed

ok. well. leaving on saturday morning to go to LA. but dad is picking me and noah up tomorrow hella early at like 8 am. really actually kind of mad at my dad and dont really want to go with him but it looks like i dont have a choice. i dont know when i'll be back in elk grove. bah

Current Mood: thirsty

I always fall for either straight girls or gay guys. usually both.
Gah, but I found this amazingly cute guy that works at Wells Fargo. Why I haven't noticed him until now is a mystery to me, because I know he's worked there for awhile, just I haven't really noticed him until now. He is everything I want in a man.

Anyways, nothing exciting ever happens in my life.
Read my latest myspace blog and comment on it if you haven't already done so.

Current Mood: hungry

blaaaahhhh i want my new debit card NOW! i cant live without it!
only 2 1/2 months till school starts.
bahaha, i am so pathetic.
i'm pretty much convinced that i'm never going to find a job...too much competition, and employers do not hire shy people. yadididig?!
gah, this summer feels totally like last summer. the similarities are amazing. except this summer i have a car and a license. i think thats like the only difference though. bahah.
blech..

Current Mood: sick